BigCalm : Documents : Bad Driver

The Pleasures of being a Bad Driver

Introduction Advantages Disadvantages The Wheels Exploits How To

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment"
- Quote from an accident claim form


You've all heard the statistic - 80% of drivers consider themselves "above average" drivers. I have taken it upon myself to prove these people right, by overdoing my lowly 20%. It is my duty to convince you that there is far more pleasure to be gained from being a bad driver and that you too can join my quest.

I've been driving for about a year and a half now, and my driving started badly and is slowly deteriorating. And it's getting more and more fun. Not that I've had any accidents of course. Well, er, there was that one on the motorway, but apart from, er, and that one where someone prodded me from behind, but apart from, er, and I "touched" mirrors with that parked car, and OK OK OK LEAVE IT. However, you see my point - I've had hardly any accidents, but I've seen hundreds.


The advantages of being a bad driver:


Your insurance bill is so high that you'll never be able to afford that Ford Capri


The Wheels

I own a Renault Clio which makes Citroen 2CVs and Robin Reliants look sporty. Hey, it's not that bad. It'll do ninety, with a following wind, down a hill, er, after 10 minutes with foot on the floor. Oh, and er, it'll turn into a bone-shaker when it gets there. It's had one careful owner - don't mention the other one. Not that I need to drive it much - for some reason people are always offering me lifts.
I suggest the following as optional extras in a car:


Now I know what you're thinking - The author is actually quite a good driver, but is just being humble. You can just "go elsewhere" now if you think that, bunch of Doubting Thomas' that you are. Still here? - well here is my proof that I am a bad driver: More exploits will be added as I make them

UPDATE! 24th October 2001. I am now registered to drive in Barbados for a year now. My bad-driving terrorism has spread beyond the confines of the UK and into the depths of the caribbean. Bruhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Zen And The Art Of Bad Driving

So, you wish to emulate me? Here are some guidelines

5th October 2001 Copyright Jonathan Daniel 2001